Baby Blue
Thirty seven years ago, Albert Underwood III arrived prematurely and was born on a couch. This was not any old couch. This was a large sectional, royal green in colour with velvet upholstery, high density foam padding and a sturdy block wooden frame. It was a great family couch and one that only exists now in photo albums. In one picture, a pregnant and smiling woman comfortably sits with her proud husband next to her. He is wearing expensive silk socks that are green in colour, matching the couch.
Over the course of Albert’s spoiled life, there would be dozens of couches that would come and go. His father, Albert Underwood II, was owner of a successful furniture store that had been passed down to him by his father. The new couches that came into the house were always large and comfy, very suitable to unexpectedly delivering another baby if the emergency ever arose again, but a second pregnancy never occurred.
Albert’s parents met in college. He was studying business and she was a nursing student. They first met at a campus party, introduced through mutual friends. On their first date, he talked a lot about his family business and the evening ended with a romantic kiss under a full moon, shaped like an ottoman.
In his one bedroom condo, Albert was sitting on a boxy flared, grey coloured couch when he matched with Alison. On his phone, he examined her profile pictures again and was pleased with what he saw. She had that girl-next-door type of look. He really liked the one picture of her with her mother. The two appeared to be on vacation together somewhere down south, both wearing matching tank tops. Albert noticed Alison’s pretty blue eyes. They reminded him of his childhood dresser that was painted the same colour. It was in the back of the bottom drawer that he used to hide his secret love letters to his elementary school math teacher Mrs. Pritchard.
Alison knew exactly who Albert was when she first came across his profile on the dating app. In her car driving to work, she would often hear his excited voice in radio advertisements, plugging his father’s store by mentioning the next big blowout sale. If you lived in the city long enough, you knew about the Underwoods and their lovely reputation. Alison always thought Albert’s voice sounded pleasant and she too was pleased with his profile pictures. He came across as a nice guy with a charming smile and a silly sense of humour. She really liked the one photo of him sitting on his couch with his pet cat sitting in his lap; both of them appearing hungry and looking at each other for food. The caption mentioned his cat’s name as ‘Duke Whiskers of Castle Tuna’. She was excited when they matched, although very curious as to why he was still single.
One week later, the two met up at a cocktail bar. A nervous Alison arrived early. She typically never got nervous on dates but this one was different. She kind of saw Albert as a local celebrity and wondered if anyone else in the bar would notice him when he walked in. She felt special knowing he would be looking for her. Albert arrived on time but had trouble finding a parking spot. He wanted to make sure his BMW was close enough to the bar incase the car alarm went off, which accidentally happened more times than not. When he confidently walked into the bar, the two still awkwardly hugged hello and he immediately apologized for being a few minutes late. Alison appreciated his manners. Her last two dates ghosted her, which is why in her dating app settings she adjusted her preferences to a higher age range. She was done dating boys her own age.
Albert ordered an old fashion and Alison a gin and tonic. As they continued to drink, Alison relaxed and began to have a good time. She felt the date to be refreshing as Albert asked her questions about her family and job as an executive assistant. She was thankful he didn’t talk about video games or anything related to sex, although she did find it strange when he asked about her health. She also noticed he wasn’t talking about himself either. In fact, when he excused himself to go to the washroom, Alison realized the entire conversation up to that point had been about her. She got embarrassed and told herself when he would return, she would ask something about him. When he returned, she quickly asked about his job and if he liked working for the family business.
It was over fifty years ago, when Albert Underwood was just a traveling sales man. He would go door-to-door selling wooden furniture he made in his tiny garage. He didn’t have any money to hand prospective customers flyers or brochures of any kind, so he would give vivid descriptions of what he was selling. But he was charming, nicely dressed and had a way with words and more often than not, he would make his sales. When times got tough, he would drop his price to struggling families. Eventually, with the money he saved, he opened his first store with his wife and a year later sold his very first couch. Every family should have a good couch, he would always say after that. A place to come together and nest.
As Albert III finished his drink, he proudly stated his love for his family and his future career of furniture sales. He got excited mentioning that one day, the family plan was for him to take over the business from his father and become CEO. Alison thought that was hot and after she finished her drink, she gazed at him flirtatiously under her lashes. He responded by asking if she would be interested in getting a tour of the store that night. Without hesitation, she said yes.
As they drove in his car, a slightly buzzed Alison checked herself in the vanity mirror and liked the way her hair looked. She also liked being in his car. It was way sexier than her Toyota Yaris. She looked over at Albert and pictured herself driving it. Her friends would be jealous, she thought. She noticed his dangling key chain of a small couch. Amused, she laughed out loud and told him how super cute that was. Albert smiled and then offered her an unopened bottle of water located in the glove compartment. He wanted her sober for when they arrived. After all, the store was a very big and important part of his life, and he had something very special to show her.
When they got to the gated property of the store, they were greeted by Gus the security guard. Seated in his booth and half paying attention to the baseball game on a tiny TV screen, Gus was a long time friend of the family. He had known Albert ever since he was a kid. Albert’s first happy memory of him was when he showed up to his sixth birthday party at the house. Albert remembered Gus making a giant fort in the basement with all the couch pillows for Albert and his friends, who loved it. It was inside the fort where the birthday cake was devoured. Albert’s mother worried the new couch would get destroyed by all the kid’s sticky fingers but Albert’s dad laughed it off and said it wouldn’t matter as he was already thinking of replacing it. He wasn’t a huge fan of the olive green colour. As Albert and Alison cruised past Gus, Albert waved at him and Gus winked back with a smile. This wasn’t the first time Albert had brought a date back to the store. In fact Gus, just for fun, had started to keep dating stats in a little notebook. As they drove past the security booth, Gus marked down another point in the brunette category and went back to watching the Kansas City Royals home opener.
Alison had only been in the furniture store once, many years ago, when she was a teenager with her parents. They ended up purchasing a new bed for her, upgrading her mattress size from a double to a queen. As Albert and Alison walked around the showroom, Alison thought about how different the store was from what she had remembered. What was familiar were all the framed Underwood family photos that still hung on the store walls; photos that captured generations of intimate family moments in their home. After examining a series of stoves that had just come in, Alison quickly got bored and it wasn’t until she was just about to suggest they head to another bar was when Albert grabbed her hand. Ready to reveal his true intention, he led her to a second showroom and there an excited Albert directed her attention to a specific piece of furniture.
The large nursery crib was an Italian made of solid wood and acrylic with classic lines that formed a luxury design. As they approached, Albert gently glided his one hand across the rail, hoping she too would be impressed with the craftsmanship.
“What do you think?” he asked her.
She confusedly stared at the crib, unsure what to say.
“It took me a long time and I’ve searched everywhere for the best model, but I think I finally found it.” he exclaimed as he turned toward her. “There was always an issue or two with the others. I think this one’s a keeper.”
She could feel Albert’s unrelenting stare.
“I even painted it myself. Baby blue. Which if you didn’t notice, match your eyes.” As she looked into his, she could see the reflection of the crib rails that reminded her of a jail cell with an immediate life long sentence of motherhood.
Alison felt uncomfortable and started to think about how she could quickly end the date. Over the past two years, Alison had gone on countless of online dates but never felt the need to have an emergency exit plan until now. She wanted to crawl into a nearby washing machine and swim down to the very bottom of a gin and tonic detergent filled drum. Her worried parents would declare her missing and call the authorities but for now she would be okay with that.
Ultimately, she declared herself sick and Albert watched her rush out of the store and, moments later, into an uber. As Gus watched her leave in a sober daze, he marked another point in his notebook under a category that by far had the most points collected. He too felt bad for Albert as he examined the midnight moon, knowing he would probably have better luck up there. Up there in a fortress made of cushy pillows cemented in birthday cake. Inside the fortress, Gus pictured Albert with his future Queen proudly standing before their baby boy. The baby boy that Albert would raise to one day take over his fortress.
At the end of the night and in the back of the dark warehouse, a defeated Albert Underwood III sat in his throne-like office chair. From a distance, his guard dutifully watched over him again as a desperate Albert opened up the dating app once more, frantically swiping. The radiating light from his phone exposed a sea of family couches just sitting behind him, enough to fill a million homes.